All posts in Humorous

This evening, around 7:30 PM, my brothers Matt and Jesse (13) and Matt’s girlfriend, Jenna were stranded in the boat in Lake Michigan. I guess the boat experience some kind of electronic malfunction so the motor cutout and and would not start up again.

As a result of this electronic malfunction, the marine radio was not working correctly, as it would not allow them to call out, but only hear things intermittently. Luckily, Matt had his cellphone so he was able to call my dad whom was at the movies with my mother at the time. They were able to get the number for the coast guard. It was at this time that we all learned an interesting law.

The coast guard is not allowed to tow boats if there is a commercial towing company around. So, regrettably, we called a towing company. They said that they would be happy to do the tow, but they charge $150 an hour starting when they put the boat on the trailer. Since they would have to come from Muskegon it would end up being a bill for several hours so we passed on that option.

Since Jesse was only 13 they at least called every fifteen minutes to make sure they were not sinking, or on fire, or anything in which case they would actually go out to help them. But, still it seems like they would have done something more than just letting them sit dead in the water.

Eventually, my mother called 911 to see if she could get a sheriff boat out there. The operator said they most certainly could, and that there should be one out there within half and hour. As is to be expected, several hours later and no sheriff ever showed up. An hour after the original call was placed, we made a follow up and they assured us a boat was on its way. Makes me really have faith in 911 these days.

After releasing that no one was going to help them, my dad starting calling around to see if anyone else with a boat would go out with him to give them a tow. He eventually got a hold of his friend Brian who has an aluminum row boat. So, they set out on a trek in their little boat up the channel through turbulent waters.

In the mean time, our stranded boaters waves the 3′ x 3′ distress flag vigorously for hours as boat after boat passed them without even paying them a passing thought. Either no one understood what the distress flag meant, or they just did not give shit. Either way it was much ado about nothing.

Three hours after being stranded, my dad and Brian finally make it to the boat. They hook up the little boat to the big boat and begin the long and arduous task of towing it back to the boat launch. After struggling back down the channel in waters the little boat was not designed to face they finally made it back an hour later.

So, after suffering catastrophic motor failure, Matt, Jenna and Jesse finally made it back to dry land a full four hours of sitting, watching, waving, and waiting.

Originally, their plan was to go about five miles off shore to do some salmon fishing. I suppose it was a good thing that Jenna wanted to go swimming instead, otherwise they would have been screwed.

For quite some time, ninjaberge has been the scourge of west Michigan, and not a single soul dared to stand against him. But, now ninjaberg has met his match, crazy stick guy!

Earlier today, my brothers went down to the pier to watch the boats start and finish the “Poker Run.” They explained to me what this event actually was, but I do not really remember. Something about how it is a race, but not a race, they get playing cards for doing things, and some amount of money goes to charity. Anyhow, that is not the point of this post.

Apparently, out on the pier that was packed full of people, there was some crazy guy wielding a stick. He was swinging it around all over the place apparently pretending it was a sword. I guess that he had a case and cover for said stick, so it was probably something else, but for all intents and purposes he was just some crazy guy out on the pier swinging a stick around.