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How could I forget to mention this in my last post?

As so many people have pointed out to me in comments, emails, and in person. I forgot to include commentary on, “emo Spider-Man,” “Goth Spider-Man,” “Lame Spider-Man,” “Disco Spider-Man,” “Mentally Handicapped Spider-Man,” “Icky Spider-Man,” and my favorite, “Saturday Night Fever Spider-Man.”

Anyway, as far as reasons, I think I got to distracted by the notion of Symbiote Spider-Man battling Morlun, so I forgot to mention this bit. But, I digress.

The look on that man’s face summed it up pretty well.

For all the young couples out there, always remember to check for black goo on meteorites that fall while making out in giant spider webs. Because, you know know when some of that goo might be a symbiote that turns you into a mentally handicapped version of yourself.

So, instead of having a cool, darker Peter Parker to go with the darker Spider-Man we instead find ourselves viewing a geeky, sexually arrogant miscreant reminiscent of Scientologist, John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. As a side bonus, he takes on a Hiteresque haircut. WTF.

If you want to see the “dark” side done correctly, in comic book terms. I recommend that you check out how it was handled in Smallville with red kryptonite. As everything that Clark did fell within they way he felt, he just lost his sense of morality. It plays out quite well.

Perhaps they will take this into consideration when they remake the movie in 20 years.

Not as good as Spider-Man, or Spider-Man 2 (the best comic book movie made to date), but still worth the price of admission.

Last Thursday, I went to the special Midnight showing of Spider-Man 3 at the local theater. I went in expecting quality, not understanding it was not going to be as good as prior films. But, first, let me express my biggest disappointment.

Before the film started, some woman in a bad suit walked into the theater, and demanded that everyone shut off and put away their cells phones. She warned that if one went off, or someone was seen with one out, they would be kicked out the theater. The reason cited, “we cannot have people taking pictures during Spider-Man.” Weak.

The first act of the film was done quite well. I would say that it was on par with the prior films. I ironic part of all this, is that this is before the effects extravaganza even begins. Not that the special effects were not amazing. The problem is that as soon as the villains are introduced, everything starts falling apart.

I am not exactly sure what the plan was, but there were way too many things going on in this film. Unlike the first time films that featured a single villain, this film features three: Green Goblin, Sandman, and Venom. Perhaps one of the biggest problems is that this does not allow for any of them to be properly developed.

For example, Dr. Oc is one of my least favorite villains of all time, so I naturally assumed that I would not like Spider-Man 2. On the contrary, his character was so deftly crafted that I loved the movie. In Spider-Man 3, they just did not have the time to pull that off. So, instead we find popular villains, such as venom getting the shaft and seeming lame.

Personally, I think the best thing that could have been done would to have been to basically just focus on the relationship between Peter and the “black suit.” I think an exploration into his grappling with his inner dark side could have made a compelling film. Also, this probably could have been worked in with another villain, since it would allow for the additional character development. For this villain, I might recommend Morlun, granted I know he is a really new character and the continuity would be way off. But, they don’t seem to care about messing with canon in the movie. And, I think a symbiote powered Spidey vs. Morlun would be a hell of a battle.

Sandman could have been cool. I mean, the effects for him were generally amazing (how can he cry water?), but his dialog was just awful. And, rather than developing empathy for him through development me, they just made him announce it through dialog. AKA, if your character is said, show it, don’t make them say, “I am sad.”

The whole Harry as the Green Goblin was a mess. He had an amazing battle with Peter. And, I mean amazing. Those effects were perfect. And then, Harry gets amnesia. Suddenly he is buddies with Peter again, everything is la-de-da. And then, a confrontation with MJ causes him to take a drink, then he suddenly the goblin again. Maybe this would not have been so bad, but the basis for his hating of Spider-Man was some old butler telling him he was wrong.

Venom…oh so they screwed this up. Eddie Brock was half baked at best. He was literally hollow, both intentionally and unintentionally. After Peter rids himself of the symbiote, Eddie happens to be there, and gets infected with it ASAP. And then, he proceeds to go into this whole goofy thing, where he joins of up with Sandman. They capture MJ, etc… etc… All these issues were pretty bad, but perhaps the most unforgivable was the dispatching of Venom. Both Eddie, and the symbiote just getting utterly incinerated by a random grenade lying on the ground. Ugh…

Despite all these grief’s, the film was still good, and I would recommend people go to see it.

Final Verdict: ****

Now that’s what I’m talking about.

The unfiltered pulp of Grindhouse was a nice pallet cleanser after the mess that was Pathfinder.

It’s unfortunate that this movie did not do too well at the box office, because movies that are a cheesy mess like these are delightfully entertaining.

I suppose it is just indicative of the fact that Hollywood has always churned out wretched movies, but at least in the 70′s they were entertaining.

The styling, and fake movie teasers were pretty amusing, and really helped achieve the look and feel they were going for with the films. 

Planet Terror was a little on the gross site, but primary coherent throughout. I like how they did the “reel missing” for the gratuitous sex. Granted they did a similiar thing in Death Proof.

Speaking of Death Proof, well, it was some what of a sloppy mess of a film. For the most part it worked, but I did not really care for the ending. When your “good guys” are completely unlikeable, it is kind of hard to support them in victory.

Rating: *****

Probably not. But, it was extremely amusing. Granted I do not believe that the film was intended to be so. Had I originally known that the movie was made by a freakin’ B horror film maker I would probably have just passed it up.

Things that Pathfinder did right:

1. Relatively realistic violence.

Things that Pathfinder did humorously:

1. Fighting while sledding down a hill on a shield
2. Dramatic scene in cave, then suddenly, BEAR!
3. Acting

Things that Pathfinder did poorly

1. Pretty much everything.

If you are looking for some hearty belly laughs, and don’t mind some gore I highly recommend this film. However, in all other circumstances I cannot stress the need to avoid it at all costs.

Rating: *

Here is a list of some of the films that I plan on seeing this from here on out:

March

TMNT (100%)
Last Mimzy (25%)

April

Grindhouse (80%)

May

Spider-Man 3 (100%)
Shrek 3 (50%)
Pirate of the Caribbean 3 (95%)

June

Ocean’s Thirteen (13%)
Fantastic Four (90%)

July

Transformers (100% x 3)
Live Free of Die Hard (80%)
Simpsons Movie (75%)

August

September

Resident Evil 3 (100%)
Balls of Fury (40%)

October

November

Beowulf (60%)

December

I am Legend (?)

Now keep in mind, the following list is based on a quick scan of movie release dates for the present year. I am sure that there are some smaller sci fi/fantasy type of movies that I will see throughout the year that are “under the radar” so I just don’t know about then yet.